Day 121: In which I get hitched and then fall in a ditch
Some important news
You may have noticed a drop-off in blog frequency over the last few weeks and I have a good reason.
I wasn’t meant to tell you but I will.
Last friday I got married.
Ann and I had a very small wedding in Hackney with our closest friends and a fine meal afterwards.
It was a low-key affair below the radar. Since Ann is American we are having a proper knees-up in the US later in the year with all the family. THAT’S when we want the world to know about it. But we had a small wedding here and I’ll whisper it online: we exchanged vows, the dogs met us outside the registry office and it was very, very lovely.
I saved no animals I’m afraid.
A honeymoon… with the dogs?
Now we are on a small honey moon – I believe the ad executives call it a mini-moon – and we are in Wales, the dogs are with us (on the bed as I write) and the weather is extremely cold.
I’ve already dragged Ann out on a six hour walk along the Pembrokeshire coast in freezing muddy conditions and although I’m a steadfast romantic I am nevertheless keeping an eye out for ailing animals. You men will be impressed, you women will be appalled. Ann is somewhat resigned to it but we are having a lovely time … I promise you.
Dead sheep, wet feet, tired Ann….
‘Oh no, look at that, you should do something’ said Ann as we drove past a large wet field on our way to a relaxing lunch by the sea today..
‘Nothing, I shouldn’t have told you. Just keep driving’
I knew what is was – I knew it. An animal in distress. Ann had realised her mistake but it was too late. I reversed down the road, swerved into some long wet grass and got out. In the neighbouring field a sheep was lying face down by the fence the other side of a small river.
‘Can we just go on, it looks pretty dead.’ she said, ‘this is our honeymoon’ she added quietly
I took a running jump at the river, compassion spurring me on, leapt into the air and landed just short of the other side with one leg deep in the water. I climbed over the fence and jumped into the muddy field and inspected the sheep. Ann was right, totally dead, poor thing. But what was the cause? One of its eyes was completely missing.
‘Can we go now??’ called Ann.
‘Of course!’ I said, realising my romantic error
I climbed back over the fence and tried to leap over the river but having no run-up on this side I landed both feet deep in the wet mud banks. Ann watched me climb out like a war veteran from the trenches, black mud covering my lower legs.
‘I’m sorry…I’m just trying to help animals…’
A tractor pulled up and was unable to pass the car so I got in the car and pressed my muddy clump down on the accelerator and drove further into the muddy grass.
‘Let’s go, Ann, I’m sorry’.
Fifteen minutes later the wheels were still spinning in the mud. I had managed to slip the car deeper in the ditch and closer to the river.
Eventually a tractor came past and I stopped it.
‘look I’m really sorry, I’m on my honeymoon, I’ve driven into this mud and I was trying to help that sheep over there and…’
The young driver looked at me non-plussed ‘The dead one?’
He frowned at me. I wanted to say ‘Im really sorry but I’m from London’ but he probably figured that out already. He pulled us out by rope.