DAY 140: MY OUTBURST OF SHAMEFUL EMOTION
Too much anger, too much sadness
In the last blog post I talked about the little crumpled lotus flower of compassion I’m trying to nourish? About small flickerings of emotion and compassion buried in the mud inside?
Well today those tiny murumuring came to the fore, pouring out of me, not so much like a beautiful flower but like thick sludge from an ublocked sewer. Stinking vicious tears.
Odette, the daughter of Avis who runs the dog sanctuary in India, sent me a video of a slaughter in Kerala of cows and pigs using bats and hammers.
Above is my immediate reaction – when I watch it back I’m embarrassed but i’m putting it out there. A grown man crying like a baby over a cow. Is there something wrong with inside me? Or is there something wr0ng out there?
The video of the slaughter – which you should probably not watch but which I have linked to below – is of a slaughterhouse in Kerala where they don’t use stun guns, they use hammers.
This is no doubt fairly common around the world but it’s torn me open.
I’ve seen this stuff before but never reacted like this? Is the work I am doing with animals getting to me?
I’m angry. I’m confused. I’m stupid as a child right now.
Screw moral philosophy, screw political debate, screw intellectual discussion about vegetarianism – if you don’t wince when you see a hammer cracking open a living cows skull then you need your own head knocked about.
In a strange way, this video is just what I need to see.