Jan 31st

    Too much anger, too much sadness

    In the last blog post I talked about the little crumpled lotus flower of compassion I’m trying to nourish? About small flickerings of emotion and compassion buried in the mud inside?

    Well today those tiny murumuring came to the fore, pouring out of me, not so much like a beautiful flower but like thick sludge from an ublocked sewer. Stinking vicious tears.


    Odette, the daughter of Avis who runs the dog sanctuary in India, sent me a video of a slaughter in Kerala of cows and pigs using bats and hammers.

    Above is my immediate reaction – when I watch it back I’m embarrassed but i’m putting it out there. A grown man crying like a baby over a cow. Is there something wrong with inside me? Or is there something wr0ng out there?

    The video of the slaughter – which you should probably not  watch but which I have linked to below – is of a slaughterhouse in Kerala where they don’t use stun guns, they use hammers.

    This is no doubt fairly common around the world  but it’s torn me open.

    I’ve seen this stuff before but never reacted like this? Is the work I am doing with animals getting to me?

    I’m angry. I’m confused. I’m stupid as a child right now.

    Screw moral philosophy, screw political debate, screw intellectual discussion about vegetarianism – if you don’t wince when you see a hammer cracking open a living cows skull then you need your own head knocked about.

    In a strange way, this video is just what I need to see.



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    10 Responses to “DAY 140: MY OUTBURST OF SHAMEFUL EMOTION”

    1. Martin, your emotion is not shameful. I can’t watch that video because I know what it would do to me. Yes, there is something wrong out there and it happens everywhere everyday on a smaller scale (people throwing dogs out of cars, attaching fireworks to them) and it’s ……. I’d like to say inhuman but unfortunately that’s what some humans do. But we don’t have to be like that and the moment we don’t feel affected by such brutality is when we have to worry. Thanks for the post, and I’m sure a lot of others will understand exactly how you feel – and appreciate that you’re brave enough to continue putting yourself up against it.

    2. Concur heartily with Rachael – nothing shameful in emotion when it is warranted. My reaction to your reaction means I’m not going to watch the video either. Somehow I feel that lets you down (who’s the gutless wonder now?!?!) but still here quietly supporting you and your bravery in confronting these things, not least because I know I couldn’t. x

    3. OH, Martin, I didn’t watch the video but I was crying with you in your own video. Your raw emotion is not shameful at all and it would be more of a concern if it hadn’t affected you. I didn’t watch it because I have seen some gruesome and similar videos before and it was heart-wrenching to say the least. I had many sleepless nights and the images still haunt me. I just can’t comprehend how some humans can totally turn off to another living creature’s suffering. I donate, I sign endless petitions, and have done so for years but the cruelty seems to still continue. It can be very disheartening. Please know, that you are so appreciated and admired for your efforts to save animals and make a difference. xo

    4. Martin, I could not face watching the video of the slaughtering. I think I would break down if I did.
      Please don’t be ashamed of showing emotions and tears. This just goes to show what a big heart you have (for animals) and I really amire that.
      Your dog Moose ist just too cute for words. Personally I am more the cat lady (I rescued four that I love dearly) – but I love all animals.
      All the best for you!
      Cheers from Vienna, Martina

    5. thank you for your kind words Martina! Say hi to your four cats! all the best, Martin

    6. PS.: Now that I watched your own video again I am crying too 🙁

    7. sorry mate, cant do it, but I admire your courage in watching it. Rachael is right, if your not affected by such a sight then you can worry.

    8. Hi Martin,

      It’s not necessarily so different in this country.


      If this is the way you feel maybe you should be seriously considering vegetarianism as a way to help the animals.

      I watch these things regularly as it’s easy to forget this stuff and eating animals is so socially normal and acceptable. I think many more people would turn to vegetarianism if they had to see what really goes on.

      I would like to be able to eat ethically slaughtered free range meat but the problem is you just don’t know and i never want to have an animal to suffer in such a terrible way to go on my plate.

      Food for thought eh?!!

    9. Hey Alex

      v good point. And that’s exactly why I want to look at farm animals very soon indeed. I keep on concentrating on actively helping but NOT hurting is possibly more powerful


    10. Well done , Martin. If you ever want some resource support in your compassionate quest let me know! ( If you look at my website you will see what I mean)

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