• Day 83: Crow rescue leads me up my friend’s chimney

    Dec 3rd

    A crow has to be rescued from deep inside my friends dirty chimney  (as it were)

    Just before I head out to India I call my oldest, dearest friend, Harry to tell him I’m leaving.

    ‘Hang on, Mart, I can’t really speak now’ he says, groaning slightly, ‘ I’m in the middle of something’.

    ‘What’s up?’ Is he on the loo?

    ‘Er…. I’m just trying to pull a crow out from a chimney’

    I’m assuming that’s not a euphemism. ‘Really?’ I say.

    ‘It’s been stuck up my neighbours chimney for days’

    ‘Harry! That’s EXACTLY why you can speak to me! I’m spending a year helping animals! I’ll come down right now and save it from your chimney’. I’m really  hoping its not a  euphemism or else I’m taking my friendship to a new level

    Deeply excited

    I’m weirdly excited by the opportunity to help. I’ve dealt with crows at the Wildlife Rescue unit and I have a basic idea of what to do.

    ‘OK, come down now’ he says.

    I get in my crow machine (audi estate) and fly like the wind (30mph). I get there just as Harry has pulled the crow from his chimney – so to speak. It’s in a box (so to speak) and I inspect it (so to speak).

    I take it out and feel its wings, they bend well enough, but its body is incredibly thin.

    ‘Shall we release it?’ asks Harry.

    ‘It’s probably too weak’ I say with a sort of crow-like-authority in my voice.

    I find the nearest rescue centre on the internet – about a trillion miles away in South London – and set off on my journey of heroic saviourness.

    But I hit traffic and find myself stuck in the rain and the dark for over an hour and half while the crow, sitting next to me on the passenger seat , tries to get out of his box. My elation turns to self-doubt. We do not travel as the crow flies but as the a23 does and its bloody curvy.


    This is the path you have chosen Martin – and it leads to Croydon.

    I get to the animal rescue centre just as night falls but the crow is finally safe and I’m assured it will do well with some nourishment. I agree to pick it up in a few weeks when it is recovered and set it free from where I found it (but not exactly as I woudl end up putting it back in the chimney)

    ‘Don’t worry about the soot on it’ I say ‘it likes dressing in black’

    The woman doesn’t think I am funny. That’s because I am not. The crow, however, thinks I’m brilliant.

    They put him in a box and he poses for a little picture through the air hole. He looks surprisingly proud for a crow that has been rammed up my mates chimney for 3 days. Good luck to him. I would not have survived that long, even though Harry is my best mate.

    Eminent King Crow VI


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    2 Responses to “Day 83: Crow rescue leads me up my friend’s chimney”

    1. Nothing like a success story really, really well told. Very funny. The crow profile is ever so slightly Hitchcockian which is so fitting for a bird story.

    2. Brilliant!! Really made me laugh. Lots of people will be intrigued about Harry’s chimney now. He must be delighted.

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